oops, you're talking to yourself

A free article on Personal Development

By: Dr Kenneth Herman

Turn your attention inward, and you'll quickly realize that you're talking to yourself. Our inner dialogue is spoken in our own voice. It tells us how and when we want it to be, or asks, "is this way that it is always supposed to be?" The problem occurs when we begin to live out of this inner dialogue instead of living here and now.

Whether we're aware of it or not, we talk to ourselves all day long.

Have you ever watched a comedian perform? Most have a good sense of humor. But inside, they're not really funny. On the inside, they're having a funny conversation with themselves. They see and think about things in a funny way.

Suppose someone is depressed, angry or fearful. All of this results from the way we talk to ourselves. They experience negative emotions due to the nonstop stream of mental movies and inner dialog.

Almost everyday, I work out at the gym. It's kind of surprising, but I meet people there who smoke. Sometimes, I ask them if smoking is in their best interest, since they're trying to excercise and get fit.

In response, they say they don't smoke very much or maybe, they're going to quit. For some reason, they make excuses or rationize their behavior: "I know it's a bad habit, but I can't help it."

Smokers who exercise send MIXED MESSAGES or CONFLICTING MESSAGES. Ultimately, their inner dialog will determine their course of action. Let's say you are considering changing jobs. Consider the person who tells themself, "I'm capable of doing something more interesting and challenging. That's why I'm going to search until I find the right job!"

This person is more likely to succeed than the person who tells themselves, "Searching for a new job will be stressful and time consuming. Besides, there is alot that I don't know. My current job may be boring, but it beats getting out of my comfort zone."

Which person do you think is more likely to look for a more rewarding job, and actually find one?

My friend, your attitude (and inner dialog) makes all the difference! In counseling, I often asked patients to hold up a mirror and talk to themselves. Someone who lacks self-esteem might say things like, "I'm not that good looking" or "Yuch, I don't like what I see!"

Then I ask my patient to imagine how the person in the mirror would feel after hearing those comments. You probably wouldn't talk to your friends and family that way? Probably not.

Instead of speaking to yourself in a negative way, tell yourself the truth. When you look in the mirror, say, "I'm happy to be alive! Today, I am grateful for...." Take a moment to reflect on a couple of things that you're thankful for. What do you have to be happy about today? Make a list of your strengths and positive qualities. Maybe you're friendly, like to help others, or you're good at math. Write down all of these qualities. You could also write down things you're proud of, such as personal victories or accomplishments.

This simple excercise will help you to take pride in who you are. Speak to yourself in a positive way. Remind yourself of your strengths, victories and successes. Have a "can-do" attitude. Be a possibility thinker!

Your self-talk is a big influence on everything that you do. If you want your circumstances and emotional patterns to change, you must examine your beliefs and attitudes about whatever you're struggling with. Change your self-talk and you can change your life. Change your inner dialog and you will take charge of your life.

Information about the Author:

Discover Dr. Herman's game plan for personal transformation in his life-changing book, Secrets from the Sofa. Download the first chapter absolutely f ree at www.secretsfromthesofa.com/

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