Getting Constructive Feedback From People

A free article on Success

By: Lee David

I’ve always been bitingly blunt to people - sometimes borderline sardonic! - when it comes to giving constructive criticism. In my opinion, dispersing the raw truth is always more important than sugar-coating every detail to make reality seem less bitter. However, most people aren’t like me, and will go to great lengths to make sure they don’t say any hurtful words towards you - even if it means that you’ll lose some valuable criticism.

This can be a serious problem, especially in the field of personal development. Feedback on a project, undertaking, or performance is critical to make improvements and strides in your achievements. But how do you get people to give you accurate feedback that’s worth your time to hear it? There’s one technique that works the majority of the time: when asking for feedback, present the problem as if it’s only the other person’s problem.

The wrong way to get feedback

How do most people ask for feedback? They most likely ask a straightly worded question, so it leaves no doubt they want the opinion of another person:

• “What do you think of my project?”
• “If you were me, how would you run my business more productively?”
• “What’s the most effective way to solve my problem?”

Why do people phrase their feedback questions like this? Because these questions can work! Occasionally, maybe 50% of the time if you’re lucky, somebody will tell you exactly what they’re thinking and give you some useful constructive criticism. More likely than not, though, they’ll give you vaguely worded responses instead. You know how it is - you ask for opinions on how to make your presentation for Monday better, and the other person will give you some rehearsed line such as, “Oh, I wouldn’t change anything! It looks great how it is!” Not very useful in the feedback department. People close up like this for several reasons, including: 1) they don’t want to hurt your feelings, regardless of what you have at stake, or 2) they don’t want to come off as egotistical, “I don’t want to appear as a know-it-all, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut.”

This way of asking for feedback is all wrong, and unfortunately, it’s the way that most of us learned how to solicit feedback from another person. The moment you personalize your problems with words like “I”, “me”, “my”, and so on, you run into major problems - the other person automatically assumes that if they tell you anything negative, you’ll take it personally as they are your ideas. This isn’t true, and obviously not the case you want to portray to the person you’re asking for feedback!

The right way to get feedback

How should you ask for feedback? Depersonalize the question - take yourself out of it - and completely throw the problem in the other person’s court:

“If this was your project, how would you handle it differently?”
“Pretend this is your business - how would you run it to make it more productive?”
“Imagine that it’s your problem. How would you solve it most efficiently?”

See how different these questions are to the above questions? You’re no longer talking about your problem, and no longer appearing to take personal ownership to the feedback you receive. You rephrased the question, and now are forcing the other person to think and give you a worthy response. Phrasing the question like this makes it appear like you don’t own your problem anymore - they can’t hurt your feelings, as you didn’t make the question personal to yourself. Most likely, they’ll ramble on about their personal solutions to whatever problem you give to them. We all know people love to talk about themselves... this just takes advantage of that!

Of course, you can try slight variations on this, and get more specific than my broad examples:

• “If you had a blog, how would you change around the layout to make navigation of the site easier?”
• “If this was your cake and you were decorating it, what icing colors would you use to make the cake most appetizing?”
• “Imagine that you’re buying a new car - what five qualities are most important to you and why?”
• “Rate how you think this musical arrangement is on a scale from 1 to 10. How would you personally edit the piece to make it at 10?”

Extracting information that you need out of the other person becomes a breeze now! Don’t make your questions personal - never use “I”, “me”, “my”, and so on. Phrase the question so the problem lies completely on their shoulders. Be as specific as you want to be, and see what responses you get! You’ll most likely get some incredibly useful constructive criticism out of people you never thought could help you!

Try it out! Next time you need the honest truth on a project or undertaking, or some clear advice for a particular situation, just ask the other person what they would do in your situation. 9 times out of 10, you’ll get the truth - and some very useful, amazing feedback that you can apply and use to your advantage.